Aw, the sweet, sweet lovers. Who doesn’t love to see the endearing image of The Lovers in a tarot reading? The Lovers asks questions that are much more complicated than those presented in the typical Hollywood romance. This card isn’t about a romanticized version of love: this card wants you to get down to the grit of what it means to love and to be loved. There isn’t the standard cop-out about love, “I’ll know it when I see it.” You have to define it for yourself. And, most of all, you have to take responsibility for your definition of what love is.
The love in your life should be a reflection of what you give, and what you give is a choice. The quality of what you give begins with the quality of the relationship you have with yourself. How can one project their best qualities without first cultivating them? The Lovers wants you to examine and bring to the forefront what is special about you. Be mindful of how you stimulate others. When I meet someone who acts superior it excites something competitive in me. When I meet someone vulnerable, it mostly stimulates my desire to protect and to be tender. We are social creatures, prone to mirroring one another. The Lovers calls to you to question your mirror.
I have a rather two part morbid exercise for The Lovers card. The first part of the exercise asks that you imagine how people would reflect on knowing you at your funeral. What parts of yourself would you wish people would comment on; what value had you brought to other people’s lives? The second part of the exercise is to enhance and live these qualities. This exercise requires honesty with yourself in the choices that you make. It asks you to question the quality of your companionship. What has the experience of “me” been with other people? Needless to say this exercise hasn’t always left me feeling my best but has propelled me to try harder. My effort lead to improved relationships, with behavior more inline with receiving the love I desire and need. This exercise has left me feeling more lovable.
The Lovers also calls into question those that surround you. Do you show them the value of their best attributes? Why? How? Why not? With the support of others our best qualities grow and thrive. Be your highest self and and surround yourself with people who value those qualities. Be the mirror of all that deserves praise and celebration. Be your most lovely self and the world will reflect that beauty back to you.